Arizona is the first case scenario. Its new immigration law, written, like most reactionary documents, between paroxysms of fear and loathing, attempts to rid the Arizona borders of illegal aliens. However, it also emboldens every Sheriff Bumpkin to over reach a tad and prosecute those found without ‘papers’, profile everyone who ‘doesn’t look right’, and generally terrorize any minority lacking blue eyes and blonde hair. It is a dangerous law in that it disrespects the human element and vilifies the very constitution that most Arizonians presume they hold sacred.
Secondly, in Georgia, home of many of the most delirious politicians available to the United States, a new law has sprung up denying the US Government (or any State government, presumably) from implanting heretofore unqualified and indistinguishable microchips upon the human body for any purpose, but especially for the purpose of control (again, presumably, real or imagined), tracking, research or even protection of said body. The legislators who initiated this chicanery of a law even presented a woman of undeniable humanness who claimed that the Department of Defense implanted a microchip into her vagina for just the most evil of purposes. Of course, no such chip was ever presented as evidence, but why let a great conspiracy story pass by due to a lack of evidence. That’s how conspiracies tend to roll in Georgia.
Speaking of conspiracies, note Rep. Paul Broun, coincidentally also of Georgia, who this week called a press conference to denounce the Obama administration, which he says plans to initiate and fund a private army answerable only to Obama. This will lead to dictatorship “just like Hitler”, Broun said. Then he will come for the guns. It’s all as plain as day. I consider this man a terrorist, not just a fool.
Finally, in my beloved Virginia, has arisen a old controversy centered on that old rebel calling card, the confederate flag. Legislators here could not muster enough courage at county City Halls to remove a flag which not only costs this state millions of dollars in economic terms (Most large assemblies seeking a compatible place to hold conventions, sports events, displays and even some developers will not come here due to this flag), but also repulses huge numbers of tourists (by which this state depends), and actually causes real psychic pain to certain minorities whose ancestors suffered under this flag.
There are large numbers of real progressives in the South, but in reality they are muffled and even silenced by the jackals who call themselves conservatives and Christians. Believe me, they are neither.
An array of crazy Republican talking points has been sold by the massive Republican Spin Machine until widely believed by many uninformed citizens. Essentially these political lies can easily be debunked by simple applications of common-sense and logic.
You can probably file this under things that are not surprising but nonetheless disheartening: Southern, white Republicans are the people shaking their heads as they shut their eyes tightly and cover their ears.
They have problems with many things. They think earth is thousands of years old, not billions. They believe dinosaurs walked the earth concurrently with man. And now tectonic plates don't shift and the puzzle piece-shaped continents of the world were never, in fact, as one. You know, Pangaea.
This information is according to one of the endlessly entertaining Daily Kos polls that examined belief and non-belief in continental shifting by political affiliation and region.Below are definitions segregated by translations that differ by region, For this instance we will supply supplemental translations – one for Northern Republicans (NR) and one for Southern Republicans (SR).
The head-shaking results:
7 percent of Republicans apparently think the continents are fixed and there never was a Pangaea.
37 percent of Southerners believe this whole tectonic plate thing is hooey! (The other regions fell into the teens and twenties)
30 percent of white people believe this scientific fact we all learned in grade school is unadulterated commie BS. (Blacks, Latinos and others numbered in the teens)
If you are by chance a Southern Republican and can’t read, then please skip our blog or ask someone to read this to you.
911 -Emergency services line to be used in case of, … an emergency.
NR Translation – What you use to complain about traffic.
SR Translation – Rally cry that rich white folk use to enlist your children in the army to protect their oil pipeline investment.
Community- A group of people that share common interests and are affected similarly by issues.
NR Translation – Your immediate family and fellow members of your secret college society. However it might include your illegitimate children fostered with your undocumented nanny.
SR Translation – All the trailers on your loop.
Community Organizer - An individual whose actions raise the quality of life for your community.
NR Translation – The “bleeding heart liberals” that make life better for your unwed teenage pregnant daughter.
SR Translation – The gal passing out checks at the welfare office.
Conservative -
NR Translation – Making it appear that you believe in lower taxes while you run up the national debt and pad your pockets with the money you cut from social programs.
SR Translation – Going to mega churches to listen to drug addict ministers tell you that being a gay is a sin. Google Ted Haggard.
Crusades -
World History – Two hundred years of military campaigns to gain and retain Christian control of the Holy Land.
US History – Two hundred years of propaganda campaigns to gain and retain Christian control of the US Government.
Death Panels -
What Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich think the 2011 Health Care bill will create. Before this context, the term was used mostly to describe the cowardly redneck that sits outside National Parks to shoot starving animals as they leave in search of food.
Deficit - Basically, when you have less money than you need to pay the bills.
NR Translation – This is what you let Democrats worry about.
SR Translation – The amount you have to borrow form the payday loan place to pay rent after you went too crazy at the local Walmart.
Family Reunion -
NR Translation – Where you try to show off how much more successful you’ve been investing in Halliburton than your cousin Mary.
SR – Where you meet your next baby’s mama.
News -
The regular reporting of presumed factual information so that the public can be made aware of current events and the state of affairs. You might find “news” in publications such as Wall Street Journal, CNN, C-SPAN, BBC, etc. You will not find news on Faux News Channel.
Surplus -
For Southern Republicans, this is best described as the amount of cans of pickled okra that you have left over from last year, when you start this years harvest. This is a good thing. (Also, see Deficit)
Truth - A statement that can be proven to be accurate.
NR Translation – It doesn’t matter as long as you settle out of court.
SR Translation – You know that feeling that you get when the cartoon on the cheesy puffs commercial tells you his product is the best. Yeah, he wouldn’t lie to you.
NFTOS
