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| THE OLD GOP IS THE NEW AMERICAN TALIBAN |
A list if you will - scenerios where if they apply, you just might be an "American Taliban-er.
You might be an American Taliban-er if you're a white male who thinks Latinos love Marco Rubio.
You might be an American Taliban-er if you're only for abortion in cases of pregnant mistress.
You might be an American Taliban-er if think any type of rape is legitimate.
You might be an American Taliban-er if think the best way to win an election is to violate voter’s rights.
You might be an American Taliban-er if you think more humans are lazy and on welfare than those who actually work.
If you are a pasty white male and hate everything not of your kind, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
If you consider an aspirin between a woman's knees as contraception, you might be an American Taliban-er.
If you fail to believe that G.W. Bush is 100% responsible for tanking our country, you might be a tea bagger.
If you have never been to a dentist, you may be an American Taliban-er.
If you applaud a man for shitting his pants so that he can avoid the draft, you are an American Taliban-er.
If you have never served your country and yet you bitch about that very country, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you fail to believe that waterboarding is torture, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
If you think higher education is stupid, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
If you love guns more than your own children, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
When you’re right to carry a weapon out trumps my right to not be shot by your weapon, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
When Science, Math and facts elude you, befuddle you and dumbfound you, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
When your ideals ape those whom trolled the earth some 3000 years ago, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
When your modus operandi becomes 100% hypocritical, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
If gerrymandering is your way of equaling the voting scheme of America, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
If you think sticking a probe in a women’s vagina is good thing, you are an American Taliban-er.
If you think Government is too big and yet in the same breath you think it’s OK to tell a woman what she can and can't do with her body, you are an American Taliban-er.
If G.W. Bush's 10 embassy attacks are less important as Obama's one, you are a American Taliban-er.
If 'taking America back' is your rally cry, you are an American Taliban-er.
If nothing is beyond you’re pale, you are an American Taliban-er.
If you think the “Southern Strategy” is a good idea, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
If denying Americans medical coverage is you’re idea of Christianity, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
If Dana Loesch, Breitbart.com, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin are your voice of reasoning, you just may be an American Taliban-er.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe George W. Bush’s redistribution of middle-class tax cuts to the top 1% of tax-payers was good for America, but Obama’s plan to return it to the middle class is ‘socialism.’
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe stem cells are living human beings, but thousands of Iraqi children are ‘expendable collateral damage.’
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe tax cuts for billionaires is a great idea, yet you wonder why the economy has stalled, your job just got outsourced to India, and oil company executives receive $400,000,000.00 retirement packages.
You believe the surge worked because the violence in Iraq is back to 2006 levels, which is only horrible, compared to what it was in 2007; intolerable. Besides, Brit Hume said so.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you think trial lawyers are harmful to America, yet you support prosecuting some guy in Muncie Indiana who burned his 99¢ American flag that was made in China by forced child labor.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you’re all for the ‘rule of law’ when it’s applied to Bill Clinton for lying about his infidelity, but not for prosecuting Karl Rove and Scooter Libby for committing treason.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you think George W. Bush is actually a really smart guy, but his folksy manner just makes him seem dumber than he really is.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own, and that those who are born to poverty and never have opportunities for advancement, got what they deserved.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe Ronald Reagan was a great president who had complete control of all aspects of government, but the Iran-Contra Affair was an insignificant scandal that went on without his knowledge.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe Democrats tax and spend, but George W. Bush was a fiscal conservative.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe Oliver North, who was CONVICTED of perjury, obstruction of justice, destroying evidence and accepting bribes, is a patriot. But John Kerry, who saved a man’s life while under enemy fire in Vietnam is a coward.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe George W. Bush kept us safe from terror, and the failure to prevent the 9/11 attacks were Clinton’s fault.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you actually believe Fox News is fair & balanced.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you still believe Saddam had truckloads of WMDs, and that he somehow managed to sneak them into Syria, right under our noses.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe Terri Schiavo was sentient all along, and Bill Frist had the ability to diagnose her condition by watching a 5 second video of her sleeping.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you you’re in favor of stronger prison sentences for drug users, yet your favorite radio personality is Rush Limbaugh.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you complain about having to press 1 for English, yet you hire undocumented workers to mow your lawn because they’re cheaper than hiring the kid next door.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if homosexuality is abhorrent to you, except when a Republican senator, the president of the National Association of Evangelicals, and a planted White House journalist get caught having sexual affairs with gay men. Then you suddenly feel sorry for them.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if the war in Iraq makes perfect sense to you, but any suggestion by Barack Obama that we target al Qaeda specifically is ‘dangerous and reckless.’
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you don’t mind that president Bush tortured men who were never charged with a crime, yet you’re horrified by the wrath of al Qaeda when they capture one of our guys.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe the 1/10 of 1% of scientists who claim global warming is a hoax, and reject the 99.9% who say it’s real, because Sean Hannity and his friends in the oil industry have convinced you that science is a part of a greater liberal conspiracy.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe patriotism means you should support your government right or wrong … unless a Democrat’s in power, then it’s your patriotic duty to call him a closet Muslim, challenge his birth certificate, expose his sex life and impeach him.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you support prayer in school, as long as your kids aren’t subjected to Muslim prayers.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you think Darwin’s theory of evolution is a loony fairy tale, and mankind actually began with two naked teenagers, a magic apple and a talking snake.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you think $35 billion spent on health care for children is a waste of taxpayer’s money, but $1.7 trillion spent on a catastrophic war that has isolated us from our allies, decimated our economy and made us less safe was money well spent.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe embargoing communist Cuba is sound foreign policy, but trading with China is just good business.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe Bill Clinton was an immoral cad, but Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were faithful husbands (and Larry Craig just has a wide stance).
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you fervently defend the Constitution, but when president Bush got caught monitoring 300 million phones without a warrant, politicizing our justice system, hyping evidence for going to war and pardoning a convicted perjurer who just happened to be on his staff, then it’s okay, because he was ‘protecting America.’
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you were outraged when a gallon of gasoline went from $1.29 to $1.40 during the two terms of the Clinton presidency, but you didn’t seem to mind when prices tripled under George W. Bush, the “oil man.”
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you were furious when Bill Clinton pardoned international commodities trader Marc Rich, who was convicted of tax evasion, but applauded when George W. Bush exonerated Scooter Libby for obstructing justice to protect Dick Cheney from a treason indictment.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe Barack Obama should be held accountable for every sermon that Jeremiah Wright ever gave, but John McCain, who sought the endorsement of anti-Semitic, xenophobic, openly racist and homophobic pastors should be given a pass.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe Barack Obama is either a secret Muslim, was actually born in Kenya, and his parents forged a fake birth certificate when he was born – just in case he should ever run for president, or that his father’s nationality disqualifies his son from being president, all because you read that on the Internet.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you laugh at how much better Barack Obama speaks with a TelePrompTer than without one, yet you never mention the fact that even with a TelePrompTer, every time George Bush opened his mouth, gibberish tumbled out.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you supported Gov. Sarah Palin, partly because you believed she kept a good Christian home. This, despite the fact that her seventeen year old unmarried daughter was knocked up, her son was accused of vandalizing 44 school buses (cutting the brake lines of school buses – HELLO!!?) and was given the choice of going to jail or join the military, and Palin herself was found guilty of abusing the power of her office. But Barack Obama can’t possibly be a true Christian, because his father was a Muslim, and his middle name is Hussein. (Besides, he’s black, and everybody knows that Jesus was a blond haired blue eyed white man.)
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe the only solution to gun violence is to make sure everybody is armed to the teeth. That way, when some crazy person goes on a killing spree, right-thinking people will take out the killer, and tranquility will prevail throughout the land.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you believe the mainstream news anchors are crazy, biased and filled with hate, but Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity are rational, accurate and informative.
You just may be an American Taliban-er if you defend Rush Limbaugh’s right to wish for Obama to fail, and therefore, the failure of our republic, yet you call Democrats the “blame America first crowd.”
You believe Barack Obama is a “narcissistic megalomaniac,” because you heard Glenn Beck call him that once, but Beck himself is a humble man, concerned only for your welfare (brought to you by Goldline!).
If You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something you might be an American Taliban-er.
If you've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches", you might be an American Taliban-er
If you've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie, you might be an American Taliban-er.
If you don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense, you just might be an American Taliban-er
If you fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood, you just be an American Taliban-er.
If you don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance," you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home, you just might be an Gun Hugging American Taliban-er.
If Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you ever pointed to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me", you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you own a vehicle with an "Mitt Romney: American Hero" sticker, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you're afraid of the liberal media, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates....", you just might be an American Taliban-er.
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
If you've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes, you just might be an American Taliban-er.
Finally, if you think this list is mean-spirited and biased - even though you privately acknowledge to yourself that it’s all true - you believe the Democrats are just as bad. Here’s a bulletin: Nobody has ever been this bad, except this new breed of GOPer, The American Taliban.
NFTOS
Editor-In-Chief
Roger West
