TRUMP’S SCANDALS TRUMP HILLARY’S - AND VOTERS SHOULD BE OUTRAGED

Returning after a one month hiatus, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver took a deep dive into the scandals – big and small – surrounding presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

Needless to say, Trump came out “quantifiably worse” according to the HBO host.

However, Oliver explained, Clinton deserved equal scrutiny in the interest of fairness.

“I do know that even talking about her scandals will irritate some of you, given that her opponent is an unambiguously racist scarecrow stuffed with scrunched-up copies of Jugs magazine, and that’s fair,” Oliver stated. “But not being as bad as Donald Trump is a low bar to clear, and if you focus on nothing but him, you fail to vet a woman who might be president.”

“We’ve spent several frustrating weeks trolling through all the innuendo and exaggerations surrounding Hillary’s email and foundation scandals, and the worst thing we can say is that they both look bad. But the harder you look, the less you actually find,” he maintained. “There’s not nothing there, but what is there is irritating rather than grossly nefarious.”

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With that, Oliver covered Trump’s use of his charity as a private piggy bank: paying his legal bills, making a political donation to Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi as her office investigated Trump’s “bullshit” university, and buying personal items like paintings and sports souvenirs.

According to Oliver, the biggest looming scandal is the one the voters know the least about: Trump’s finances.

“Bear in mind: we know nothing about Trump’s finances, and that is not good. He’s the first major party nominee since 1980 not to release his tax returns, and his justification is pathetic,” said Oliver, showing a clip of Trump saying he couldn’t release his returns because he’s being audited — which the IRS has disputed saying he’s free to release them at any time."

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John Oliver Let's Trump and His University Have It

Last Week Tonight host John Oliver devoted the opening segment of his show last night to the widening scandal over Donald Trump’s fraudulent Trump University — and his commentary rivaled his Drumpf episode.

After touching upon Trump’s racist comments about Judge Gonzalo Curiel’s decision to release documents on the get-rich-quick school, the host took a deep dive into revelations about the so-called “university” and its “hand-picked instructors.”

“Trump University wasn’t even a university. Which makes you wonder what the fuck was in Trump Steaks?” Oliver said before suggesting the steaks might possibly have been possum meat.

“But the name was just the beginning,” he continued. “Because, remember how he had ‘handpicked instructors?’ Well, according to his own depositions, he did not personally select instructors for live seminars, and he was unable to recall the names of key faculty members.”

Oliver added, “According to the sworn testimony from several former employees, many instructors and mentors had no experience buying and selling real estate. In fact, one had previously worked as a salesman for Lowe’s, while another had been district manager for Buffalo Wild Wings.”

After pointing out that a former employee claimed the school was in the business of selling “false hopes and lies,” Oliver conceded that Trump University did have some similarities to real schools, puckishly adding, “Every university has sold some of its students false hopes and lies. It’s just that most of the time they call it a ‘theatre arts degree.'”

After detailing high pressure techniques found in the Trump University “typo-ridden playbooks” — telling salespeople to not let prospective students walk because, “Money is never a reason for not enrolling in Trump University; if they really believe in you and your product they will find the money. You are not doing any favor by letting someone use lack of money as an excuse,” — Oliver unloaded on Trump.

“’Lack of money is not an excuse’ is not what single parents need to hear, it is what Donald Trump needs to hear when a fifth company of his inevitably files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy,” he exclaimed.

Noting that prospective students were also promised an opportunity to have their picture taken with the great man himself, Oliver pointed out that those pictures were taken with a cardboard cutout of Trump instead.

“That is actually a perfect metaphor for Trump University. You’re expecting the real thing, but in the end, all you get is a tacky two-dimensional façade with Donald Trump’s face slapped on it,” he smirked.

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JOHN OLIVER INVITES "JOHN MILLER" TO VISIT HIS SHOW

John Oliver was back in his groove Sunday night after Donald Trump provided him with a wealth of material following a bizarre week that saw Trump denying impersonating his own fake publicist — after previously admitting that it was him.

The Last Week Tonight host began by calling out the Republican Party — focusing on House Speaker Paul Ryan — for their awkward at-a-distance relationship with the new face of the party.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



Oliver compared the GOP leaders and Trump to a “teenage Christian couple who have made an abstinence pledge. They’re going to have sex, and it’s just a matter of time — but they still need to make a big show of resisting in case anyone might be paying attention.”

The host then turned to Trump’s adamant refusal to admit that he was publicist “John Miller,” heard on a 25-year-old audio tape bragging about his client and claiming that pop singer Madonna was badgering Trump for a date.

“Much like his candidacy, that claim is sad—but not implausible,” explained Oliver. “Remember, there were rumors that in the ‘90s, Madonna got together with Vanilla Ice, Jose Canseco, and Willem Dafoe. And what is Donald Trump if not the authenticity of a Vanilla Ice, the likability of Jose Canseco and the terrifying facial expressions of Willem Dafoe?”

Turning to Trump’s claim that he was unfamiliar with tape and saying, “It was not me on the phone,” Oliver ridiculed how preposterous the whole controversy has become.

“It’s clearly you!” Oliver blurted. “Look, there is only one way to settle this. Tonight, I’d like to extend an invitation to ‘John Miller, publicist’ to appear on this program.”

“Now, to be clear,” he added, “this is not an invitation to Donald Trump, who has never been and will never be invited here for an interview. But if ‘John Miller’ wants to sit down with us, we would love to have him.”

As an added inducement, Oliver promised to provide “John Miller” with a badly cooked Trump steak, skin mags and a hand mirror.

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JOHN OLIVER ON FERGUSON PD: “FUC* THOSE FUCKIN* ASSSHOLES!”

Last Week Tonight's John Oliver didn't hold back when discussing the racist emails being sent by the Ferguson, MO police department and court officials which were discovered during the Department of Justice investigation of racial prejudice in the city's police and judicial system.

About says it all. 

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"DON'T EAT MYSTERY MUCUS IN THE STREET UNTI THIS EBOLA PANIC IS OVER"

Says HBO's "Last Week Tonight's" John Oliver. Oliver had some advice for anyone concerned about contracting Ebola in New York.

Thank goodness I picked a good week to quit eating mystery mucus.

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Roger West

STOP AND FRISK

John Oliver opened The Daily Show Tuesday night with a deep dive into the recent ruling by a federal judge deeming the NYPD’s “stop-and-frisk” tactic unconstitutional. Oliver began by giving some background on the controversial program. “For years, opinion has been divided on stop-and-frisk,” he said, “with black and Latino residents of the city saying it’s an invasion of their liberty and white residents saying ‘Oh, I think I heard a thing about that on NPR. Is that still happening?’”

STOP AND FRISK PART ONE

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He went on to mock the Judge Shira Scheindlin’s use of the term “indirect racial profiling.” Oliver said, “It’s like a cop saying, ‘should we frisk people outside the Apollo or outside the Jimmy Buffett concert? Tell you what, let’s flip a coin and then head up to Harlem.’”

Rather than only rely on the judicial ruling however, Oliver helped sum up the differences between white and black people with an old-school stand-up routine, complete with a fake brick wall in the background. “White people reach into their pockets like this,” he demonstrated. “But black people reach into their pockets… in exactly the same way.”

And on Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s assertion that the judge’s ruling was “unfair,” Oliver said, “Let me get this straight. You think this program is being unfairly stopped and scrutinized even though it’s done nothing wrong? I think I know millions of blacks and Latinos in this city who know exactly how you feel.”

He decided to only address people in the audience to offer up a helpful analogy. “You know how we feel at the airport when the TSA is patting us down unnecessarily, delaying us by looking for weapons which we obviously don’t have and we just want to get to our gate?” Oliver asked. “Well, imagine your whole neighborhood is Terminal B at LaGuardia.”

For more, Oliver turned to Jessica Williams, who took on the role of a reverse Bill O’Reilly by reporting live from “one of New York's most crime-ridden neighborhoods”: Wall Street. She demanded that police start stopping anyone who may be suspected of being a white-collar criminal: “walking around in tailored suits, slicked back hair, always need sunscreen, if you know what I’m saying.”

STOP AND FRISK PART TWO

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“I know this is uncomfortable,” Williams said, “but if you don’t want to be associated with white-collar crime, maybe you shouldn’t dress that way!” She continued, “I hate to say it because I don’t live in their neighborhoods or experience the problems specific to their lives, but it is a hard fact that white-collar crime is disproportionately committed by people who fit a certain profile.”

Williams finished out her report with a warning to a certain type of New Yorker. “So if you’re, say, a white Upper East Side billionaire with ties to the financial community like Michael Bloomberg,” she said, “you've just got to accept getting roughed up by the police every once in a while.”

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