We Took Turns Fucking A Replica of Reagan’s Eye Socket

Jon Stewart opened The Daily Show on Wednesday by addressing the media furor over his “secret” meetings with President Barack Obama, while mocking Fox News and Politico for hyping the encounters.

“It was a roundtable meeting with the President, Elvis — still alive — Minister [Louis] Farrakhan, and the Area 51 alien,” Stewart quipped. “We opened with the traditional Saul Alinsky prayer, sucked on the blood of the righteous, and took turns fucking a replica of the Reagan eye socket. The real Reagan eye socket is kept in the Smithsonian and is only fucked on Christmas.”

While Politico misidentified Stewart’s executive producer, Steve Bodow, as “Scott Budow,” Stewart said, Fox went out of its way to describe the meetings as Stewart being “summoned” clandestinely, despite the host’s visits being recorded on the official White House logs.

“Something is not a secret just because you don’t know about it,” Stewart chided, saying he agreed to meet with Obama because “If the president tells you to and you don’t, who the f*ck knows what would happen?”

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In reality, the host said, his discussions with Obama played out not unlike his final interview with the president last week: spending the majority of the time arguing over issues like the Affordable Care Act website or the Veterans Affairs Bureau over salmon dishes.

Stewart did confess that, during his tenure leading the show, he had been approached by individuals ranging from “tech giants, to financial captains, to Billy Joel,” all basically asking, “Jon, why are you such an assshole?” — and the meetings with Obama were no different. Among those people, he noted, was Fox News chief Roger Ailes.

“In fact, in my entire tenure here of being yelled at by some very influential and powerful individuals — and Billy Joel — only with one of those people has a phone call ever ended with, ‘This conversation never happened, and if you say it did, I’ll deny it.’ And it wasn’t the fucking president,'” he said, while looking toward a graphic representing Ailes.





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Blogger-In-Chief

Roger West

TEN COMMANDMENTS, AS WRITTEN BY THE CONSERVATIVE

REPUBLICAN GOD RONNIE "BONZO" REAGAN

Most humans with an IQ above one hold a firm belief that religion and politics should never be mixed. These are two subjects that by themselves are controversial enough, let alone mixing them together. Our Founding Fathers knew this, which is probably why they didn’t use the word “Christianity” even once in our Constitution.

Our First Amendment clearly states that, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…” and individuals like Thomas Jefferson had several documented instances where they said there should be a strict separation of church and state.

Even within Christianity there are many different denominations, so if we can’t agree within the same faith on what to believe – who in their right mind would believe one faith should rule this country?

Conservatives often make a barefaced effort to inject religion into their policy making as much as possible. When it comes to economic policies they suddenly forget that Jesus Christ spoke out against greed and focused on the responsibility a society has to its poor, needy, sick and elderly - unlike the ilk of the conservative, where the motto is 'me', 'me', 'me' ita all about "me'.

Tin Foil Hat Society members are not actual Christians, they are a mix of political ideologies tossed in with a handful of passages from the Bible. Let’s be realistic — when it comes to the Bible, most of these so called Christians pick and chooses which passages they want to follow and which they don’t - much like the U.S. Constitution.

Listed below are what most intelligent Americans would explicate as - based on what the GOP currently stand for;

The Republican Ten Commandments:

Thou shalt worship no other Americans but Ronald Reagan.

Thou shalt pay no attention to the fact that tax rates have nothing to do with capitalism. Remember, we were in fact a nation based on socialism before 1980 when our savior was elected.

To speak ill of Ronald Reagan means you are not a real conservative.

Thou shalt honor Ayn Rand’s economic ideologies, but ignore the fact that she was an atheist who thought religious people were fools.

Thou shalt respect your mother and father by ensuring that we privatize Social Security and Medicare so that private corporations can profit from these programs.

Guns are the only means of salvation. Thou shalt live in fear every moment that someone is out to get you.

Though adultery and divorce are acceptable and frequent occurrences (especially in “strongly conservative” states), it is same-sex marriage that will ultimately destroy the traditional family and ruin the sanctity of marriage.

Women are to be treated as subservient to men. Their rights will be determined by panels consisting entirely of males as it is clear men know more, and are better suited to determine female equality and how to handle women’s health.

The poor are but leeches on society seeking a handout from everybody else. The rich suffer the greatest burden of all and it is your responsibility to ensure that the rich are properly taken care of, for they are the job creators.

Thou shalt remember that greed is good, the poor are lazy, gays are bad, women are wicked, Rush Limbaugh is a respectable citizen, Sarah Palin is intelligent and George W. Bush was a great president.

These “Ten Commandments” have been sponsored by the Koch brothers, big oil, Fox News, FreedomWorks and the Heritage Foundation. Any attempt to discredit this list of sacred rules is just a liberal conspiracy to destroy the United States of America.

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Editor-In-Chief

Roger West

GOP ONION

Since the GOP regurgitates their GOD Ronnie so often, we thought we would post the resurrection of the GOP's high and mighty.






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Staff Writer
Steve "Damn Nazi Liberal" Chevapravatdumrong

FLASHBACK

In 1983, Reagan Warned Of ‘Incalculable Damage’ If Debt Ceiling Wasn’t Raised.

As of today, the United States has officially hit its legal borrowing limit, bumping into the statutory debt ceiling. The Treasury Department has some options at its disposal for delaying default, but those will be exhausted around August 2.

For months, Republicans have been claiming that they will refuse to raise the debt ceiling — and thus risk the widespread economic consequences of the U.S. eventually defaulting on its debt — unless several conditions are met, including cuts to Medicare and Social Security. In fact, some Republicans have said that they think that default wouldn’t be so bad. “The case has not been made that this is an absolute necessity,” said Rep. Bill Huizenga (R-MI).

However, Republicans poo-pooing the necessity of raising the debt ceiling might want to look to conservative icon Ronald Reagan. In 1983, Reagan warned that the consequences of failing to raise the nation’s borrowing limit “are impossible to predict and awesome to contemplate”:

The full consequences of a default — or even the serious prospect of default — by the United States are impossible to predict and awesome to contemplate. Denigration of the full faith and credit of the United States would have substantial effects on the domestic financial markets and the value of the dollar in exchange markets. The Nation can ill afford to allow such a result. The risks, the costs, the disruptions, and the incalculable damage lead me to but one conclusion: the Senate must pass this legislation before the Congress adjourns.

In a 1987 radio address, Reagan also said, “Congress consistently brings the government to the edge of default before facing its responsibility. This brinksmanship threatens the holders of government bonds and those who rely on Social Security and veterans benefits. Interest rates would skyrocket, instability would occur in financial markets, and the Federal deficit would soar.”

Several key Republican leaders, including Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) and House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R-WI) have admitted that failing to raise the debt ceiling is simply not an option, with Boehner saying that it would be a “disaster,” while Ryan called it “unworkable.” But the GOP continues to play games, inching the U.S. ever closer to the scenario that Reagan explicitly warned against.

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The Donald Has Trouble Recounting his BS

Donald Trump: “Reagan Was A Con Man Who Couldn’t ‘Deliver The Goods”

Yesterday, real estate mogul Donald Trump proudly declares that Ronald Reagan is the President he admires most. Here’s Trump on the April 14 edition of Hannity:

HANNITY: Who are our past presidents that you admire most?

TRUMP: Well, I really like and knew a little bit Ronald Reagan, and I really liked him. You know, not only his policies, smart guy and so much smarter, you know, I always sort of have to laugh to myself when people try and criticize that level of intelligence. And I loved his style. I loved what he represented. … I thought he represented something very special for this county.

Watch it here at NFTOS:



But in his bestselling book, Art of the Deal, published at the conclusion of the Reagan presidency, Trump cited Reagan as an example of someone who could “con people” but couldn’t “deliver the goods.” Trump said Reagan was “so smooth” that he “won over the American people.” But at the conclusion of his presidency, “people are beginning to question whether there is anything beneath that smile,” Trump writes. Here is page 60 from Art of the Deal:

 
Currently, Trump is the one who is creating “excitement,” doing “wonderful promoting,” generating “all kinds of press,” and testing the theory of how long you can “con people.” After promoting “birther” conspiracy theories about President Obama, recent polls show him leading the Republican field.

Donald..."Your Fired"!


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