COMEDY CENTRAL’S TREVOR NOAH SAYS TRUMP’S DICK IS HUGE AND HE’S USING IT TO FUCK THE GOP

Trevor Noah attempted on Monday night to settle the “great debate” regarding Donald Trump’s penis.

“I’ve gotta say, personally? I think it’s huge,” Noah said. “After all, he’s using it to fuck the entire Republican Party.”

Noah showed footage of last week’s Republican candidate debate in Detroit, during which Trump “reassured the American public” regarding his genitalia following a swipe by Sen. Marco Rubio.

“The thing that people don’t actually know is, it’s someone else’s huge penis and Trump just licenses his name on it,” said Noah.

But Sen. Ted Cruz’s victories in Kansas and Maine over the weekend, Noah argued, showed that Trump was “more of a grower than a shower.”

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Still, Republicans at this point are “praying for chaos” and hoping Trump’s rivals can hang on as long as possible in an effort to stop him from accumulating enough delegates from cinching the party’s presidential nomination. Noah pointed out that Rubio and his staff are working on a plan to upend Trump at the Republican National Convention if possible.

“Ah, democracy — where every vote counts,” Noah sighed. “As long as that vote doesn’t go against the people who actually control the party, in which case they will disregard your vote, replace it with their vote — and then, every vote will count.”

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Blogger-In-Chief

Roger West

CLIMATE CHANGE AND TRUMP, GOP DENIES THEM BOTH

Trevor Noah explained on Wednesday that he came to two realizations while watching primary results come in a night earlier.

“People are batshit crazy,” Noah said. “And also, a lot of Republicans are treating Donald Trump’s takeover the way they treat climate change — in other words, they deny it.”

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To substantiate his position, Noah showed Sen. Marco Rubio’s attempt to somehow spin Trump’s seven wins on Super Tuesday into a positive for himself. Noah went on to say:

“Like antibiotic-resistant bacteria, Donald Trump is an uncomfortable reality,” 

Noah also laughed at Sen. Ted Cruz for insisting that winning four out of 15 contests thus far made him the party’s only viable challenger against the real estate magnate.

“You’re not co-winners, Ted Cruz,” Noah said. “Just the way he says it: ‘Every one of those states has been won by Donald Trump or myself … And if you look at myself and Jay-Z combined, we have both slept with Beyoncé on numerous occasions, and that is why I will stop Obama.'”

The saddest part of the whole affair, he said, was that political climate change and its environmental counterpart shared one characteristic.

“Regardless of whose fault it is, Republican denial is going to end up hurting all of us,” Noah said.

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Blogger-In-Chief

Roger West

CLOWNSTICK IS”WHITE ISIS”

Trevor Noah came away from a discussion with correspondent Hasan Minhaj on Tuesday – and was somewhat unsettled regarding Fuck face Von Clownstick [Donald Trump’s] possible motivations for pushing a ban on Muslim immigration into the US.

“I think this is where the evidence points: Donald Trump is an extremist leader who came out of nowhere,” Minhaj explained. “He’s self-financed, recruits through social media, attracts his followers with a radical ideology to take over the world, and is actively trying to promote a war between Islam and the West.”

Oh my God,” Noah replied. “He’s white ISIS.”

When the host asked him how to combat the threat of “WHISIS,” Minhaj was more candid.

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“Where are all the moderate white conservatives?” said the correspondent. “I mean, come on. They’ve got a responsibility to step up and speak out against WHISIS, because I’m sick of this.”

At the same time, though, Minhaj agreed with the real estate mogul that Muslims should stay out of the US — but only because they are in danger.

“One third of a major political party in America is backing a racist maniac,” he said. “This place is scary right now.”

For his part, Noah slammed the proposal, calling it “flatly discriminatory.”

“Like a Pokemon, Donald Trump has evolved into a more gruesome form of himself,” Noah argued.

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Blogger-In-Chief

Roger West

“FERGUSON EFFECT”

Trevor Noah took aim at what has been described as the “Ferguson Effect” on Monday, sarcastically telling viewers that police are merely afraid of being treated unfairly because of whom they are and how they look.

“People following them around with cameras watching everything they do, suspicious that they’re always afraid to break the law, leaving police afraid to even get out of their cars for fear that someone might whip out a phone and brutally film them. Who can imagine how that must feel?” he said. “If you listen carefully, all the police are saying is, ‘Phones down, don’t shoot.'”

The term has been used to explain violent crime increases in some US cities, arguing that officers have been cowed into not doing their jobs “proactively” for fear that they would be recorded by witnesses and subsequently accused of using excessive force.

Last week, FBI Director James Comey described it as “a chill wind blowing through American law enforcement,” a statement that led to him being rebuked by President Barack Obama. Earlier in the day, Obama told NBC News that Comey was using “anecdotal” evidence, and that there was no statistical evidence backing up his theory.





Similarly, Noah cited a study by the American Psychological Association that stated that it is “too soon” to blame any crime increases on increased scrutiny of police, since crime has been declining for the past 20 years.

“But these are just facts,” Noah warned. “They don’t count. It doesn’t matter what the facts are. The only thing that matters is how the police feel.”

NFTOS
Blogger-In-Chief

Roger West