The Last Week Tonight host began by calling out the Republican Party — focusing on House Speaker Paul Ryan — for their awkward at-a-distance relationship with the new face of the party.
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Oliver compared the GOP leaders and Trump to a “teenage Christian couple who have made an abstinence pledge. They’re going to have sex, and it’s just a matter of time — but they still need to make a big show of resisting in case anyone might be paying attention.”
The host then turned to Trump’s adamant refusal to admit that he was publicist “John Miller,” heard on a 25-year-old audio tape bragging about his client and claiming that pop singer Madonna was badgering Trump for a date.
“Much like his candidacy, that claim is sad—but not implausible,” explained Oliver. “Remember, there were rumors that in the ‘90s, Madonna got together with Vanilla Ice, Jose Canseco, and Willem Dafoe. And what is Donald Trump if not the authenticity of a Vanilla Ice, the likability of Jose Canseco and the terrifying facial expressions of Willem Dafoe?”Turning to Trump’s claim that he was unfamiliar with tape and saying, “It was not me on the phone,” Oliver ridiculed how preposterous the whole controversy has become.
“It’s clearly you!” Oliver blurted. “Look, there is only one way to settle this. Tonight, I’d like to extend an invitation to ‘John Miller, publicist’ to appear on this program.”
“Now, to be clear,” he added, “this is not an invitation to Donald Trump, who has never been and will never be invited here for an interview. But if ‘John Miller’ wants to sit down with us, we would love to have him.”
As an added inducement, Oliver promised to provide “John Miller” with a badly cooked Trump steak, skin mags and a hand mirror.