MAHER SUMS UP TRUMP BEST

Bill Maher appeared on Jimmy Fallon’s show the night before the 2016 presidential election, and he tried to be funny despite the fact that he was feeling fairly somber.

VIDEO COURTESY OF ABC

“It’s not funny,” Maher said of Trump’s presidential candidacy. “This is a different thing. I did a whole mea culpa on my show Friday night, I talked about Mitt Romney, George Bush, Reagan, McCain like it was the end of the world. It would never have been the end of the world with those guys. This is different. This guy is different.”

Fallon then asked Maher if he had anything to say to voters who were still undecided between Clinton and Trump. Maher took a deep breath and, with an exasperated look on his face, went down the litany of Trump’s sins.

“First of all, really? I mean, he’s a racist, a liar, a tax cheat, a deadbeat, a Russian agent, and a sexual predator,” Maher said. “‘How do you find your way out of the door in the morning?’ is what I would say to the undecideds.”

Maher then got serious again and said he’d tell undecided that Trump really is a “different beast” from other presidential nominees we’ve seen.




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Roger West

"BIBLE TRUMPERS"

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



Bill Maher last night thanked Donald Trump for exposing his evangelical Christian supporters as the shameless hypocrites they've always been.

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BASKET OF INEXPLICABLES

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO




Bill Maher last night examined Orange Hitler's "inexplicable" surrogates, and questions whether this cast of misfit toys would be fit to serve in a Presidential administration.

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CIVILITY IS DEAD - RUDE LAW

Bill Maher last night called this election a "referendum on decency" and argues for a return to the days when politicians could disagree respectfully - or at least without resorting to the name-calling and slurs that are slung around in today's climate

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



With Fuckface Von Clownstick asking for Clinton's armed guards to be disarmed to "see what happens to her"....Maher's civility is far from a reality.

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MAHER JOKES ABOUT CHEETO ASSASSINATION

Bill Maher took a swipe at Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump on Saturday night at his show in Washington, DC.

During his set at DAR Constitution Hall, Politico reported, the Real Time host said, “I’m nervous. And I saw the headline today — race tightening. Trump ahead in Ohio and Florida. If this race is even the week before the election, somebody is going to have to go out there…”

He paused for effect, then said, “Why do you think they let Hinckley out?”

John Hinckley, Jr. shot and wounded Pres. Ronald Regan in 1981. Last week, he was released from St. Elizabeth psychiatric hospital where he was sentenced after being found not guilty by reason of insanity.

Maher’s remarks will no doubt outrage Trump followers who are still resentful that the media seized upon the GOP candidate’s reference to “Second Amendment people”resolving the issue of a Pres. Hillary Clinton and her judicial nominees.

It should be noted, however, that Bill Maher isn’t running for president, whereas — in spite of how it may look sometimes — Donald Trump is.

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NOTORIOUS HRC

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO




Last night Bill Maher urged Hillary Clinton to embrace the dark side and embody the mythical “super villain” Republicans believe her to be.

The voting public, Maher said, “don’t want America’s nicest grandma. They want the wolf that puts a grandma in its teeth. They want a ruthless Mafia boss who will protect their frightened souls, which is why Hillary has to own all the nasty things the haters say and run as the Notorious H.R.C.”

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CLOWNSTICK, A MAN OF THE 50'S

TRUMP FAMILY PHOTO CIRCA 1950's

Bill Maher last night reflected on Donald Trump as a quintessential man of the '50s, whose old-fashioned sensibilities about women and minorities may resonate with his fans, but are incompatible with modern society.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO

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MAHER - HANDLER UNLOAD ON TRUMP KIDS

Fuckface Von Clownstick has been notorious throughout his career for making crude assessments of women based on their appearances — recall him saying that no one would vote for Carly Fiorina because of the way her face looked.

Netflix talk show host Chelsea Handler this week decided to hit back at Trump by giving him some of his own medicine, although she directed it at his son Eric.

During Thursday’s show, Handler talked with Bill Maher about the role that Trump’s children are playing in his campaign. Maher said that he was uncomfortable having the entire Trump family being so deeply involved in his presidential campaign.

“It’s very ‘Banana Republic’ to involve your children to that degree,” Maher said. “I mean, that’s what Saddam Hussein did.”

VIDEO COURTESY OF NETFLIX



When the time came to discuss Trump’s son Eric — whom Maher referred to as “Douchebag Von Fuckface Trump” — Handler made crude remarks about his physical appearance.

“He’s the worst-looking person ever,” she said. “I mean that face is just so unfuckable.”

Maher didn’t comment on his appearance, but he did say Eric was “a horrible person” since he’s also “the one who shoots lions in Africa.”

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APOLOGY TOUR

Bill Maher last night in his New Rules segment recommended that President Obama use his last months in office to go on an "Apology World Tour," and make amends for all of the harm we've intentionally and unintentionally done to other countries.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO

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"THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER - BUT THE OYSTERS ARE DEAD"

Bill Maher last night had a message for the collegiate Class of 2045.

“I’d love to tell you kids that the world is your oyster — but the oysters are all dead,” said Maher, who delivered his message from the future — inside a climate-controlled dome. “Along with almost all species. But when that happened, did we give up and just start eating jellyfish? Well yes, of course we did.”

VIDEO COURTSEY OF HBO



Clad in a silver cap and gown, Maher sought to remind the outgoing graduates of the resilient society in which they lived.

“Did we panic during the Zika epidemic of 2018? No,” he argued. “And many of the pinheaded babies born that year have gone on to become fine Republican congressmen.”

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MAHER BARBS AT NUTTERS URGING THE DANGEROUS BUFFOON IS YOUR PROBLEM

Bill Maher last night said political correctness may be out of control, but conservatives can’t use that as an excuse to blame liberals for Donald Trump [AKA John Miller].

“I’ve ridiculed liberals for everything from offensive Halloween costumes to Islamophobia; from the self-esteem movement to college campuses forgetting what free speech is,” Maher said during his “New Rules” segment. “But none of that justifies embracing a dangerous buffoon simply because his lack of political correctness is cathartic. Trump is your problem. But somehow the ‘party of personal responsibility’ doesn’t want to take responsibility for this one.”

Maher pointed out an increase in op-eds arguing that Trump’s rise to become the apparent GOP presidential nominee was fueled in part by liberal “smugness” alienating otherwise moderate voters.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO

“That is their thesis — that Trump voters are perfectly nice if left alone, like raccoons,” he observed. “They just want to eat garbage and crap in your hot tub.”

In reality, he argued, conservatives just get upset whenever they’re confronted with evidence that things like homosexuality, racism, or global warming are real.

“Here’s the thing: you guys were wrong about all that,” Maher said. “Really — check the climate science. Check the dashboard camera on the police car. Check your pastor’s Internet history.”

Which ever alter ego Trump is today conservatives "John Miller", "John Barron", Fuckface Von Clownstick, Donald J. Trump is all you. Own it.

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MAHER MOCKS CREEPY CRUZ

Bill Maher last night admitted that he has a secret passion for tabloid magazines that dispense tidbits of inside information on celebrities.

Maher ticked off a selection from his own 25 things you didn’t know about GOP presidential candidate Ted Cruz.

Using a recent article in US magazine that disclosed that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton enjoys hot sauce on her meals, Maher’s writers came up with a similar fun fact list for the Texas senator.

“We have something called ‘equal time’ in America so now the other candidates are getting their 25 things you don’t know about me,” Maher explained before sharing a few.

Included in the list:

“I spent my entire freshman year of high school stuffed in a locker.”
“My nickname at Princeton was Fuckface”
“I named the stick up my ass, ‘Hank.'”
“Mirrors don’t show my reflection.”

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO

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"HAVEN CAN WAIT"

Bill Maher last night closed the show by calling for the US to crack down on not only corporations that get away without paying any taxes, but religious institutions.

“Why, in heaven’s name, don’t we tax religion?” he asked. “A sexist, homophobic magic act that’s been used to justify everything from genital mutilation to genocide. 

You want to raise the tax on tobacco so kids don’t get cancer, OK. But let’s put one on Sunday school so they don’t get stupid.”

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



The fact that even a small religion like Scientology can own billions of real estate tax-free, Maher said, made him “hopping mad.” He also raised the point that religious participation in the US has declined to the point that 22 percent of Americans now identify as atheists or agnostic.

“Almost a quarter of us are being forced to subsidize a myth that we’re not buying into. Why am I subsidizing their Sunday morning hobby? They don’t subsidize mine,” he protested, before showing a picture of himself near a bong.

Among young people, Maher said, 35 percent “want nothing to do with religion” while the rest “worship an ancient Jew born over 2,000 years ago — Bernie Sanders.”

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"YOU CAN'T IMPEACH HER IF YOU DON'T ELECT HER"

Last night BIll Maher told the GOP what they didn't wasn't to hear - and that was that they are not going to be winning the Presidential election in November. He told them to punt, and that its ok to do so.

Maher compared the GOP - liking them to a filthy house where an old lady lived with a 100 cats who peed everywhere.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



Maher dismantled the GOP for its current choice between two unpalatable potential presidential nominees.

“Either Ted Cruz — a man with all the appeal of Jared from Subway, minus the inspiring weight-loss story — or Donald Trump, the zombie candidate,” he said.

What the party should do, Maher argued, is just “punt” this year and play defense against Hillary Clinton.

Maher told the nutters to play defense. Since the frothy wing nuts want Hilary ginned up on charges, he told them that the best way to do that is to allow her to win the Presidency, and stated, "you can't impeach her if you don't elect her."




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FAUSTIAN DEAL WITH THE RACIST DEVIL

Bill Maher said on Friday that he almost felt bad for the Republican Party with regards to Donald Trump — except he doesn't.

“They made a Faustian deal with the racist devil years ago and now those chickens are coming home to roost,” he said of the party bracing for the prospect of having Trump as its presidential nominee, while also mocking House Speaker Paul Ryan for claiming that the GOP “does not prey on peoples’ prejudices.”

“What about voter ID laws?” Maher asked. “What about once defending the guy who gets shot, the black guy, instead of the cop. Who are they kidding? This is the party they are and Trump is just the latest.”

Conservative author Matt Lewis tried to argue that Trump did not represent the party as a whole, pointing to Ryan, Sen. Marco Rubio and himself as people who represent a “solutions-based” conservative philosophy.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



Trump, Lewis said, was the product of a dumbing down of the GOP, who had injected “white identity politics” into his platform.

Maher scoffed at Lewis’ argument, saying that Trump’s ideas are actually “very not new.”

“It was called the Southern Strategy when Nixon did it,” Maher argued. “Reagan started his campaign in Philadelphia, Mississippi. It’s always been a winking campaign to get white people, mostly, who have a resentment to vote racially. Let’s not pretend this is new.”

“I would say that the Republican Party — at least if you look at the people who are running for president — are much more diverse,” Lewis fired back.

“The two Hispanics want to put other Hispanics on cattle carts and throw them out of the country,” Maher replied.

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UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO THEM

MAHER: "CLOWNSTICK'S FATHER A ORANGUTAN FROM BORNEO WHO SPOKE NO ENGLISH"

Bill Maher says republicans only care about an issue - only when it happens to them.

Take a look:

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO - THE EMPATHY GAP


Funny how that is isn't it readers?



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CLOWNSTICK'S CRASS WARFARE

Bill Maher closed out his show last night by undermining [Fuckface Von Clownstick] Donald Trump’s complaints over the use of foul language by former Mexican President Vicente Fox.

“Talk about the pot calling the kettle orange,” Maher quipped, before showing a barrage of clips of the Republican presidential front-runner cursing during various public speeches.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



The feud between Trump and Fox began on Thursday when Fox denounced Trump’s oft-stated promise that, should he be elected president, he would make Mexico pay for the construction of an elaborate wall along the US-Mexico border. Fox said during an interview, “I am not going to pay for that fucking wall,” and doubled down on the statement on Friday after Trump demanded an apology.

However, Maher said, the rise of “Andrew Dice Trump” in the race revealed that voters are enjoying his coarse brand of speaking.

“They kind of like it when a politician drops the facade and talks the way we all really talk,” he explained.

Maher then staged his own State of the Union address — an illustration, he said, of where the shifting tone in political discourse could go. Casting himself as the president in the scene, he quickly announced that “the state of our union is fucking awesome.”

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FROM ZOMBIE LIES TO "JUST MAKING SHIT UP"

Bill Maher closed his show on Friday by sounding almost nostalgic for the era of GOP “zombie lies.”

“In a very short time, Republicans have gone beyond even the ‘zombie lie’ to just making shit up,” he marveled.

He singled out presidential candidate Carly Fiorina’s insistence that she watched video showing Planned Parenthood officials discussing how to harvest the brain of a “fully-formed fetus on a table,” a charge she has defended despite all evidence to the contrary proving her wrong.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



“That video doesn't exist, unless you subscribe to Nutflix,” Maher ranted.

Similarly, the host said, Donald Trump only doubled down when hit with the fact that there was no evidence to corroborate his claim that there were 10,000 Muslims “cheering” in New Jersey after the 9/11 attacks.

“He’s like Pinocchio — except when he tells a lie, his balls grow bigger,” Maher said.

One reason conservatives have been able to get away with this kind of brazen lying, he argued, was that the Internet had deteriorated from the “information superhighway” to “bullshit boulevard,” allowing more people to live their lives fact-free.

Conversely, Maher added, people who normally only had to confront their “right-wing uncle” at Thanksgiving now had to deal with them posting conspiracy theories on Facebook.

“That’s what so great about Facebook: you’re not telling lies, you’re just sharing them,” he said.

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WACKADOODLE MILITIA MEN

On Real Time last night Bill Maher accused the militants holed up in an Oregon federal reserve of not being as tough as they like to portray themselves.

“How tough can you rugged individualists be when the first thing you did after storming the rest stop was to post an appeal online for supplies — a shopping list, really, that included such items as throw rugs, shampoo, foot warmers, and French vanilla coffee creamer. What, no scrunchies so you can braid each other’s hair?”

If they were so “ready to die,” Maher mocked, the country had plenty of wars available.

“You can go fight ISIS, ’cause what you’re doing isn’t saving the republic,” he said. “It’s more like when you’re a kid and you run away from home by hiding in the backyard.”

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO



Maher singled out Arizona anti-Islam activist John Ritzheimer, playing footage from his heavily-derided “Daddy swore an oath” video and mocking him for going to such lengths to avoid his family for the holidays.

At the same time, however, he compared Ritzheimer to a Yale University student who loudly protested a school official’s email suggesting that the college not discipline students who dress in culturally-appropriative costumes for Halloween.

“If it is a micro-aggression, shouldn’t it just make you micro-angry?” Maher said of the Yale controversy, arguing that if she really wanted to protest oppressive outfits, she should start with Muslim burqas.

“It’s interesting that this Yale student and this hammerhead in the woods think they’re political opposites,” he said. “Really they’re the same person: martyrs without a cause, whipping themselves up into a lather for issues that would better be addressed with Xanax.”

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MAHER PETITIONS FOR OBAMA VISIT

One of President Obama's staunchest supporters is Bill Maher. For years Obama has ignored the stage of HBO's Real Time - and Maher last night, in his return from vacation, put Obama on notice that its time to get his ass to the show for an interview.

For his 60th birthday, Bill Maher has turned to fans for help. He wants Barack Obama to appear on "Real Time With Bill Maher" before the president leaves office.

Is it so much to ask? The media-savvy Obama did "Running Wild With Bear Grylls."

Maher asked fans to sign a petition urging Obama to visit "Real Time," which started its 14th season on HBO with Friday's telecast. Maher stressed that Obama has done virtually every other talk show.

VIDEO COURTESY OF HBO




Maher also noted his tireless support for Obama, and his request burned up Google Trends.

What might be keeping Obama from "Real Time"? Maher's atheism and marijuana use could be stumbling blocks. But might Obama open up in ways he hasn't on the freewheeling, F-bomb-dropping "Real Time"?

Having supported this President unconditionally, do your backers a favor, schedule some time on Real Time!

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